End of leave

What is so different between “me” in two years ago and current “me”? I turned 25 and I've never felt this much lost. I have no idea what I want to do with my life and how I want to do it. If I should enjoy my 20s or I should start taking things seriously for a better future? One of the things that I lost in between is "writing". I used to write. A lot. Putting myself in words and expressing myself in every possible way. Pendency among three languages made me lose the ability to declare myself even in my own mother lingua. I took it for granted that it might be a good thing to not write and think about every little single thing for a while and live my life. Dancing instead of writing! Who doesn't like that? I did. I enjoyed every little time that I was throwing away my old self for a new one. There were some moments though. Some sober moments that I felt I'm losing my identity, the continuous understanding of a concept known as "self/ego". I felt the need to establish something. Something that helps me to read myself more clearly. I tried to write again, didn't come to me. Tried to read again, didn't feel the desire. Tried to watch something, fell asleep in between. Tried to think, words were not there to help. Now I'm facing a resentment that I can't figure out. It's been a while since I'm feeling it. I'm afraid of getting stuck in the same repetitive patterns because I haven't taken the time to understand myself. I want to let this new me transform through me. I want to feel it, know it and get along with it. How? By putting myself in words that I don't think with them.

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Brunate, Como, Italy

26 July

Sofi's parents' house